first post of 2026, weeeeeeee #
After reading my view of the worst Star War, Mark had some follow up that I thought was worth its own post.
Enjoy.
Mark
You only had about fifteen minutes to the end of the movie
Blaine
I couldn’t do it
Mark
You would’ve popped a vessel in your eye
Blaine
hahahaha
Mark
It’s just so bad
Blaine
seriously, that film is worse than anything Lucas ever did
Mark
Ben Solo arrives, and Rey literally teleports Luke’s repaired lightsaber to him to use to fight the Knights of Ren.
Then she uses Leia’s lightsaber. Then he joins her and the Emperor zaps them both.
Then all the dead Jedi give their power to Rey, and she uses both lightsabers to turn the Force lightning back at the Emperor and he dies and all the cultists die at once, then she dies, then Ben kisses her back to life, then he dies, then there’s the closing celebrations, then Rey buries both lightsabers at the Lars family farm and declares her name to be Rey Skywalker
Blaine
wat
what
what a horrible crock of shit
Mark
seriously, that film is worse than anything Lucas ever did
Okay, it’s really close for me. Rise of Skywalker’s plot is really bad. But the prequels have bad story (not as bad, but bad), terrible CGI, and terrible acting. That’s a threefer. At least Rise looks good, and the acting is passable despite the crappy material the cast had to work with
Blaine
eh sure.
for me the story moves okay in the prequels, even though it’s bad. this one is just a ramrod of crap being shoved in our faces.
Mark
I think on Mastodon I ranked all SW live action material up to that point, and Rise was near the bottom, but the prequels I had at the very bottom
for me the story moves okay in the prequels, even though it’s bad. this one is just a ramrod of crap being shoved in our faces.
No!
Blaine
oh yes, sir
yes
Mark
Phantom Menace has a forty minute race car segment. The whole plot grinds to a halt just for this terrible kid actor to yippee his way through bad CGI race tracks AOTC has a dozen painful romance scenes
Blaine
oh yeah
lol, okay
I just do something else during the car race
Mark
You blurring it from your memory doesn’t excuse it!
Blaine
hahaha
Mark
Rise is bad, but at least the plot moves forward (even if the plot is mostly MacGuffin chasing). Even freaking Last Jedi has two-thirds of the movie go nowhere. Poe’s subplot has zero progression until the last ten minutes, and Finn’s subplot gets derailed twice
Blaine
yeah, at the point where the subplots are happening, I’m angry and looking for things that suck
Mark
I honestly can’t decide which of those two is worse. I’m partial to Last Jedi because Luke’s plot is at least interesting, and Johnson had the nerve to say Rey was literally the kid of a couple nobody druggies. I actually like Leia’s Mary Poppins moment (asterisk), and the so-called Holdo Maneuver was visually incredible
I like the look of the Emperor’s planet in Rise, and Ben Solo’s personal arc in the movie is generally good, but the movie has so much wasted potential
Freaking
I just realized what the plot should have been
It should have been Snoke cloned himself
Blaine
haha
Mark
And he’s pissed Kylo Ren betrayed him
And the First Order factionalizes between the two, giving the Resistance the chance they need to fight back
Blaine
and then just leave it there?
making room for another trilogy!
yeah man
Mark
No, not another trilogy
Just, have that be the plot
Blaine
your words not mine
Mark
And Ben is redeemed mostly the same, but less MacGuffin chasing, and the grand conclusion is defeating Snoke for real along with destroying his cloning facility
He survived Last Jedi by transferring his mind into a new clone body
Blaine
and no palpatine?
Mark
At least then Palpations doesn’t come back out of nowhere
Blaine
yeah, that was probably the dumbest part
like who thought that was a good idea
they should be fired
Mark
I mean
If they’re establishing they can bring back an evil Force user from the dead to be the main villain of the new movie
Just make it the guy from the previous movie
Not the guy from three movies ago